diary page of a clumsy girl

Wow! How can a song have such an effect on someone. Sofia Karlberg’s version of “crazy in love”, the one from 50 Shades of Grey it’s so intense. Words fall short when it comes to describing this song or should I say words fall short when it comes to what effect Christian Grey has.

I didn’t start-up to write about “crazy in love” or Christian (fucking) Grey, it’s just that I’ve been listening to this song repeatedly so it is stuck in my mind now.

But it doesn’t matter so long as I can find an outlet for my feelings and this song is helping me to do it. I can relate so much to it.

How strange…. I don’t quite know how am I feeling right now.

One thing I’m quite certain about is that I want to run away. I so need a break. thing after a thing is happening in my life. it’s burdening me.

for once instead of focusing on what’s going on I just want to leave it there, run away and start afresh after I come back. see… I know the right thing to do but the funny thing is I cant do it.

of course I can start afresh from now on. And I have tried doing that. but the traces of past remain. and they remind me of those awful times and those awful things which although made me stronger but somehow still manage to pierce my heart deep.

It’s funny how I try to rationalize all that happened but it’s so hazy. I don’t think I will ever be able to explain it to myself or to anyone else what it was and how it made me feel.

Yes he got me looking crazy in love. but look at him now, he has lost all my respect for him, all that I had ever felt for him.

I know writing is just another escape for me from my issues and right now I just don’t want to stop.

I might not be a good writer and I’m also not a pro at expressing myself (be it while writing or speaking) but I do want to be really good at it.

I write just for the love of it and I shouldn’t say this but unlike any of my friends who are good writers I don’t write to impress (I’d love to do it though).

I try my best to be myself.

And that’s what I love about myself.