My dream reader?!

Dream reader.. dream reader.. umm…

It took me hours to figure out who is that dream reader. And then… I gave up. I don’t know who is my dream reader.

“I don’t know” I use this phrase in a day more than I breathe. Sometimes I ask myself if it is even normal to be so confused ALL THE TIME. I guess it’s not, obviously it’s not.

Okay I should be focusing on Dream Reader. Well! what can I say I never have thought about that particular person reading my blog. Because I barely think before writing nor I write about something specific that would grab a lot of attention. But it’s okay.

And then… I realized what if it’s not just me. There are so many people who can’t decide right away on things and fight with their dilemmas even on the pettiest of issues. People who are not spontaneous, who have to spend like hours to choose one from those two ultra sexy dresses while shopping (I get it girls!); who may be… feel itsy-bitsy awkward around a bunch of people and besides trying so hard they fail to open up.

If you can relate, you’re not the only one because I am all the things stated above.

And then it occurred to me that my dream readers are all those random yet not so random people who have at some point felt the same way I feel and can relate to me not that i don’t want you to read if you can’t relate…you’re most welcome too 🙂

Hey there! It’s me…

I have been maintaining a personal journal since I was 11 or so. And I do that because I’m a very shy person…a total introvert.

But lately I have realized that it’s important for me to be a little more outgoing and get rid of my shyness. So, I thought blogs as a way to pour my thoughts out for the world to hear. Also, writing soothes me. All those things which I might not verbally be able to say, I can easily put them into words through writing.

I have recently started to post blogs and I’m not quite sure about what is that particular thing I should post about.So I generally write whatever I feel like writing.

Talking more about myself, well I’m a clumsy little girl whose hopelessly romantic. I’m a super pushover and lost in her own fantasies most of the time (like literally, I even tend to zone out at times). And honestly it’s getting hard for me to write more about myself as I’m still trying to figure it out.

Anyway… I hope that I’m able to connect with a lots of people through my blog and I hope that most of them like me and my blog of course. And I’m going to put this to an end here before I start with my babbling. 🙂

Cheers!!

A message that he might NEVER get!

Hey!

How are you?

This is funny… All this time I have been thinking to say so much to you but I’m all blank now.

I don’t think if you know how much you influence me, how much you move me. I have tried hating you…so hard! But it doesn’t go that way.

Every time something moves me and touches the core of my heart, it reminds me of how you made me feel.

I promised myself to never shed a tear for you. But every time it is about you I just can’t help.

I’m not so good with words and may be I had not been able to clearly define it to you how you made me feel and how I felt for you but deep inside I know that you knew it all the time. You knew how I felt (and you still do. don’t you?).

I don’t ask for you to come back. I never will.

But it’s those feelings. That bond… the words aren’t worth it.

I just want to thank you and I’m eternally grateful to you for making me feel that way.

Only a few are fortunate enough to have lived through those moments of exquisite feeling. And you made me realize all that.

They say, “True love is greater than worshiping God.” I happen to have lived it because of you.

So… Thank you, thank you for making me smile even when it’s the hardest thing to do. Because when I think of you it just doesn’t seem that bad at all.

Thank you for loving me! 🙂

diary page of a clumsy girl

Wow! How can a song have such an effect on someone. Sofia Karlberg’s version of “crazy in love”, the one from 50 Shades of Grey it’s so intense. Words fall short when it comes to describing this song or should I say words fall short when it comes to what effect Christian Grey has.

I didn’t start-up to write about “crazy in love” or Christian (fucking) Grey, it’s just that I’ve been listening to this song repeatedly so it is stuck in my mind now.

But it doesn’t matter so long as I can find an outlet for my feelings and this song is helping me to do it. I can relate so much to it.

How strange…. I don’t quite know how am I feeling right now.

One thing I’m quite certain about is that I want to run away. I so need a break. thing after a thing is happening in my life. it’s burdening me.

for once instead of focusing on what’s going on I just want to leave it there, run away and start afresh after I come back. see… I know the right thing to do but the funny thing is I cant do it.

of course I can start afresh from now on. And I have tried doing that. but the traces of past remain. and they remind me of those awful times and those awful things which although made me stronger but somehow still manage to pierce my heart deep.

It’s funny how I try to rationalize all that happened but it’s so hazy. I don’t think I will ever be able to explain it to myself or to anyone else what it was and how it made me feel.

Yes he got me looking crazy in love. but look at him now, he has lost all my respect for him, all that I had ever felt for him.

I know writing is just another escape for me from my issues and right now I just don’t want to stop.

I might not be a good writer and I’m also not a pro at expressing myself (be it while writing or speaking) but I do want to be really good at it.

I write just for the love of it and I shouldn’t say this but unlike any of my friends who are good writers I don’t write to impress (I’d love to do it though).

I try my best to be myself.

And that’s what I love about myself.