It’s not so simple to hide away the things that you’re feeling and pretend to be in the moment.
For the first time, I felt like someone loved me for the bitchy me, and that they saw the bad side of me but decided to stick with me anyway.
I tried my best to keep my feelings no matter how strong they were to myself but I couldn’t. And just when I told him how much I have loved him since day one, it started to crumble my dreams. He was the man that I had always visioned and have wanted.
What he ran away from was the bitchy me. What he refused to love was the bad side of me, which I think is fair to him. But that point when he expressed his love for me, didn’t that mean that he will accept me for both my sides. I mean he already had seen my worse side.
I guess it’s because that love that I took pride in never existed. The only thing that was there was needs and wants. We only required each other. And when that need faded, our so called love did too.
Dream reader.. dream reader.. umm…
It took me hours to figure out who is that dream reader. And then… I gave up. I don’t know who is my dream reader.
“I don’t know” I use this phrase in a day more than I breathe. Sometimes I ask myself if it is even normal to be so confused ALL THE TIME. I guess it’s not, obviously it’s not.
Okay I should be focusing on Dream Reader. Well! what can I say I never have thought about that particular person reading my blog. Because I barely think before writing nor I write about something specific that would grab a lot of attention. But it’s okay.
And then… I realized what if it’s not just me. There are so many people who can’t decide right away on things and fight with their dilemmas even on the pettiest of issues. People who are not spontaneous, who have to spend like hours to choose one from those two ultra sexy dresses while shopping (I get it girls!); who may be… feel itsy-bitsy awkward around a bunch of people and besides trying so hard they fail to open up.
If you can relate, you’re not the only one because I am all the things stated above.
And then it occurred to me that my dream readers are all those random yet not so random people who have at some point felt the same way I feel and can relate to me not that i don’t want you to read if you can’t relate…you’re most welcome too 🙂
I have been maintaining a personal journal since I was 11 or so. And I do that because I’m a very shy person…a total introvert.
But lately I have realized that it’s important for me to be a little more outgoing and get rid of my shyness. So, I thought blogs as a way to pour my thoughts out for the world to hear. Also, writing soothes me. All those things which I might not verbally be able to say, I can easily put them into words through writing.
I have recently started to post blogs and I’m not quite sure about what is that particular thing I should post about.So I generally write whatever I feel like writing.
Talking more about myself, well I’m a clumsy little girl whose hopelessly romantic. I’m a super pushover and lost in her own fantasies most of the time (like literally, I even tend to zone out at times). And honestly it’s getting hard for me to write more about myself as I’m still trying to figure it out.
Anyway… I hope that I’m able to connect with a lots of people through my blog and I hope that most of them like me and my blog of course. And I’m going to put this to an end here before I start with my babbling. 🙂
How are you?
This is funny… All this time I have been thinking to say so much to you but I’m all blank now.
I don’t think if you know how much you influence me, how much you move me. I have tried hating you…so hard! But it doesn’t go that way.
Every time something moves me and touches the core of my heart, it reminds me of how you made me feel.
I promised myself to never shed a tear for you. But every time it is about you I just can’t help.
I’m not so good with words and may be I had not been able to clearly define it to you how you made me feel and how I felt for you but deep inside I know that you knew it all the time. You knew how I felt (and you still do. don’t you?).
I don’t ask for you to come back. I never will.
But it’s those feelings. That bond… the words aren’t worth it.
I just want to thank you and I’m eternally grateful to you for making me feel that way.
Only a few are fortunate enough to have lived through those moments of exquisite feeling. And you made me realize all that.
They say, “True love is greater than worshiping God.” I happen to have lived it because of you.
So… Thank you, thank you for making me smile even when it’s the hardest thing to do. Because when I think of you it just doesn’t seem that bad at all.
Thank you for loving me! 🙂